


Confessions and Absolution

by Risukage



Series: Estimeric Week: Shenanigans in Seven Parts [7]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Comfort, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risukage/pseuds/Risukage
Summary: This week we celebrate one of our favorite Heavensward pairings with Aymeric and Estinien. Hell yeah!! With one prompt a day, you all get seven little one-shots that range from fluffy sweet to super spicy! Enjoy your meal. ;)Day 7 Prompt: Free
Relationships: Aymeric de Borel/Estinien Wyrmblood
Series: Estimeric Week: Shenanigans in Seven Parts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873489
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18
Collections: Estimeric Week 2020





	Confessions and Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> //I kinda got caught up in this and...yeah, it was mostly stream of consciousness. Except the snowball fight, I forgot who suggested it but thank you! It gave the right amount of levity I wanted and I love the idea of these two powerful, respectable men laughing like idiots as they fling snow at each other. <3

As it had been for the last seven years since the Calamity, the weather was cold and bitter, but despite this, the two Elezen were in good spirits as they walked through the snow. While the snow was about knee-deep, the skies were clear for once, and the bridge out of the city and the roads away were clear of most of the worst of the snow (though not of ice in places, making them mind their footing), and eventually they passed through the gate into Camp Dragonhead.

“Do you need a moment to rest?” asked one, then gently tugged on the other man’s arm. “Aymeric?”

Aymeric blinked, lost in his own thoughts, then shook his head. “No, it’s fine, love. I...was just thinking.”

Sighing, the other man squeezed Aymeric’s arm before letting go. “Are you okay? I remember that you were taken with guilt for ages afterward, tell me you don’t still-”

Turning away, Aymeric bit his lip to hold back tears, his turn to shake his head. “I was a fool, Estinien. To think that Tho- That my father would listen to reason. That my bright-eyed and hopeful pleas would change his heart, even after all that I knew. Haurchefant’s blood will forever be on my hands, and-”

He was cut off when Estinien grabbed him by the wrist, ducking around a corner out of the wind, and also, out of sight. Once he was certain that they were alone, he sighed and pulled Aymeric into him and hugged him warmly. “It isn’t your fault. It never was, it never will be. Rather, you are the best of us, the one who believes so much in their path and the future, and in the goodness of other people.” He put a hand on Aymeric’s cheek and pressed their foreheads together. “I will protect that, and you. I promised. It was Ser Zephirim who wielded the fatal weapon, and it was for the Warrior of Light he had aimed. Haurchefant was a knight, as are we both. We live to serve.”

With a nod, Aymeric sighed and put his hand over Estinien’s. “To serve, and if we must, to give our lives to that others may carry on. I know. I remember. But…”

“I know. You loved him. So did I, and… Look, we’ll say it there. It’s been too long since we visited.” He brushed away the lone tear that had escaped and smiled, a rare gesture that only Aymeric ever got to see, and the Lord Commander returned it, where it touched the corners of those bright, lovely blue eyes. Taking a breath to compose himself, Aymeric leaned in to brush Estinien’s lips in a soft kiss of thanks, squeezing his hand, then put on his mask once more; the stoic, steady knight, full of confidence and poise, and Estinien donned his own of the man who was steel and scales, unflinching in duty and emotion. He no longer wore his dragoon armor, now he dressed as a traveler and adventurer, but the way in which he carried himself never changed.

They picked their way back to the main path, through the keep, continuing north a while, and then west. As they neared their destination they continued to climb the rise in the land, and despite themselves they needed a moment to catch their breath at the top.

…

Or it might have been them feeling the gravitas of the place, of its memories and meaning. Once more Estinien took Aymeric’s hand, and the knight in blue followed, needing the moral support.

The grey stone monument was simple, overlooking the city of Ishgard to the west, and was wholly unremarkable to the casual eye. But to those who knew its significance, it was a perfect and fitting memorial. Hesitantly, and almost reverently, Aymeric brushed the dusting of snow off of the top of the stone, then knelt before it, elegant fingers now tracing the words carved upon its face. Again he bit his lip, fighting tears. “...It has been too long my friend. While I could offer excuses of matters and affairs of state, of wars and conflicts that called me away, and of politics and work that trapped me inside, they are all but that, excuses.”

Estinien knelt next to him, silent but supportive, giving Aymeric the chance to give voice to the words he had held back for so long; a confessional of snow and ice, freeing him from the sins he believed weighed heavy in his heart. “I was scared. I felt myself unworthy to darken your grave, that it was my fault that you had to come to my rescue, and how that endeavor had cost you your life. Your smile, so pure and warm, I will never forget it, nor how brave it was even in your final moments. I… I wish that you could see the future that you have helped to build.” His voice caught for a moment as a lump rose in his throat. “...There are babes now that share your name, and Greystone is now a badge of honor, not one of shame. You are not forgotten, you are remembered and honored and…” He held his breath to compose himself, feeling tears burn in his eyes again. “...and I miss you, my love…”

Realizing that it was his turn to speak, Estinien suddenly found himself without words for a moment, bowing his head. “...I, too, have no excuse, friend. Even when I was possessed by the dread wyrm Nidhogg following the battle against Thordan and the Ward, you were still in my thoughts. And then, when my body, used as a shell for Nidhogg to take physical form once more, was defeated and powerless, you appeared. You and Ysayle, you gave our friends the strength that they needed to save my life, even when I begged them to kill me to destroy the final vestiges of his essence. I...only wish that I could have had the chance to tell you how much I loved you as well…”

For the first time in a long time he felt an ache in his chest and the sting of tears. But he had to hold back, he needed to be strong, for Aymeric, and he beckoned to the knight, silently inviting him into his arms, and the other man collapsed against him without further prompting. Carding his fingers through the ebon locks, he held Aymeric tightly, feeling the other man wracked with sobs that he could no longer hold back. The Lord Commander had hardly had any time to himself since the betrayal at the Vaults, and even less time to allow himself to grieve. That was where the former Azure Dragoon had counted himself fortunate, in that he’d had the chance to escape to solitude where he could vent his rage and sorrow.

Still, he allowed himself a few tears, it was only right. Further they were alone, he felt Aymeric’s pain as keenly as though it were his own, and he had learned in this last year just how important it was to not let himself suppress his emotions as much anymore. That uncountable, seemingly endless time being possessed by Nidhogg had left him a changed man in many respects. For several minutes Aymeric allowed the emotional wound to bleed, letting it drain and the pain to slowly ebb away. Finally out of tears, he simply clutched desperately to Estinien, his breath still hitching now and then, but he no longer was shaking.

“Dear? Are you…?” asked Estinien, trailing off when he realized he wasn’t sure what to say, but Aymeric understood.

“The pain will never go away, but the ache is less.” He sniffed and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. “The emotional chirurgeon has carved out much of that which festers, and while there is still pain, the wound no longer stings as keenly as it has since that day. I feel somewhat...empty, but that is because the guilt that has weighed heavily within my soul has been purged. I…” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I no longer blame myself. I still feel as though it were all my fault, but...I know that it was not. None of us bear any responsibility for the actions of my father or that of the Ward.”

Taking another calming breath, he reached inside of his cloak and pulled out the flowers that they had brought. “I promise to be the leader that you always knew that I could be, to guide and shape the future of Ishgard and all of her children toward a brighter future, one of prosperity for all who dwell there.”

He placed the flowers by the stone monument, and Estinien allowed himself a cheeky smile. “And I promise to watch over him so that he survives long enough for that to happen. He’s a bit of a fairy-tale princess, needing rescuing so often-” He laughed when Aymeric gave him a stunned look of shock and pouted, but Estinien knew it to be an act, for he saw the way that his eyes and lips turned up at the corners. Standing up, he offered a hand, pulling Aymeric to his feet, and they stood there a few moments longer, an arm around each other. “...May you walk in Halone’s halls ever more, our love, you have more than earned your eternal reward.”

Going back down the path, Aymeric seemed downcast and lost in thought, and Estinien’s lips pressed into a tight line. When he was quiet like this he was prone to melancholy and self-doubt, and always needed someone else to snap him out of it. So, Estinien grinned to himself and stooped to scoop up some snow as Aymeric kept walking.

“...He always smiled so, Estinien, he was always ready with a laugh and a hug and-”

_Paff!_

Aymeric stopped in his tracks, eyes wide with shock, trying to figure out what the seven hells had just happened and-

He put a hand to his face and realized that he had been pelted upside the head with a snowball. Jaw working silently in astonishment, he turned to see Estinien crouch again, casually and thoughtfully packing the frozen mass into a neat sphere, then stood to throw it at him. Turning so it impacted his sleeve, Aymeric gaped at him. “What- What are you- AH!” He ducked a third missile and stomped his foot petulantly when Estinien began to _fucking whistle to himself while he prepared a fourth._

“Estinien Wyrmblood! What- Oh, that does it!” His blood now roused, he haphazardly grabbed a handful of snow, pressed it between his hands, squeaked when another snowball grazed his other ear, then threw it, missing Estinien completely.

The Dragoon didn’t even need to dodge, he just watched it go by with casual disdain, then tossed another one that exploded on Aymeric’s chest. “For a military commander you’re rather shite at this,” he pointed out, “are you even- Better!” He actually had to duck this time, and his grin split his face in half.

The battle now joined, they threw snow at each other as they tried to find cover behind the stones that lined the path to the monument, ducking out long enough to throw a salvo before seeking cover behind another one. They laughed as they engaged in mock battle for several minutes, until Estinien snickered to himself, ducked behind one of the larger rocks, glanced around it for Aymeric’s position, feinted in one direction, and then leapt high up and over, doing his tradition proud.

Not expecting this, Aymeric threw a final snowball where he had expected Estinien to be, saw he wasn’t there, ducked back behind cover, and moved directly into the path of where the Dragoon was to land. Aymeric shouted in surprise when he was pounced, the both of them collapsing into a deep snowdrift, and Estinien’s grin was mischievous as he straddled Aymeric’s hips. “You’re not allowed to brood and be pouty.”

“Excuse you, I was not-” His protest was cut off with a strangled shriek as Estinien took a handful of snow and shoved it down the front of the ornate blue and gold armor right against his skin, and Estinien was almost dismounted when the other man’s hips bucked up into him as his body reflexively spasmed from the frigid cold. “ _Y_ _OU HORRIBLE MAN!"_

Cackling evilly, Estinien grabbed another handful of snow. “I am and I’ll be even more awful if you don’t stop, this next handful is going straight down your trousers if you don’t-”

“I yield!” gasped Aymeric, holding up his hands in surrender, “my apologies, love, I am prone to such moods too often, and I need you to break me free of them. Although I wish that you had been a little more gentle about it!”

Swinging his leg over and standing up, Estinien once more offered a hand, and Aymeric shivered, pulling his hood up. “And now I must needs move carefully, for I’m now so cold I fear I may cut holes in my armor from the inside.”

Estinien laughed again, hugging his partner, glad to see him smile again, kissing him possessively, knowing that it would be a little while before he could do so again without being seen. That, and Aymeric’s face was so elegantly framed by the hood like that and it just made him even prettier than usual and he couldn’t help himself. Twining his arms around Estinien’s neck, Aymeric sighed into the affection, smiling softly when they broke away. “That helped a little but I think we may need to stop in at Dragonhead to dry off and warm up.”

“I regret and apologize for nothing,” Estinien teased, and shrugged in the direction of Haurchefant’s memorial. “Besides, I think that he’d not only approve but have joined in as well. That and...he loved your smile, too. He’d be glad to see it again.”

With a soft, nostalgic laugh, Aymeric kissed him once more, pulling up the other man’s hood. “Then let us be away to Dragonhead, I could well do with a warm fire and a hot cocoa.”

The walk back to the keep was shorter, as it was more downhill, and they walked briskly due to the snow melting and soaking their clothes, giving them the need to get indoors quickly. They were admitted to the main hall and greeted warmly, as all who were posted there knew them well and remembered how they had worked with the late knight who had been in charge. His seat remained vacant, however, underneath a portrait of him, and Estinien felt that ache in his chest. A glance at his partner told him that Aymeric still hurt as well, his expression solemn yet sad, and that while today had been a balm on the wound it would still take many years to heal.

“I hate to impose, but is there a way that we could make use of a fire for a bit? We...fell into the snow and are somewhat soaked through at the moment.” The dark patches on their clothes told the truth, and Yaelle, one of the numerous knights to carry the Fortemps name, smiled and beckoned them to follow.

“But of course, well do we all remember you, and fondly. Besides, who would we be to deny the Lord Commander and Azure Dragoon our hospitality?” She saw the protests they were about to speak and laughed. “I know! You both no longer wear those titles, but that is always how we’ll best remember you.” Her face fell a little as she put a hand on a very familiar door. “...None has claimed his seat, nor his quarters. You both are free to make use of them. And I’ll not hear any word otherwise,” she said, also seeing _that_ reply coming, “you both were dear to him and if anyone has the right to use what was his then it’s the both of you.” Pushing open the door, she stepped aside. “You both look like you need to be warmed from the inside, too, we’ll have some cocoa brought in. And a meal will be ready in another hour or so, we’d be honored if you would join us.”

Aymeric clasped her hands in his, practically radiating gratitude. “We are honored that you would have us share your table, thank you, we gladly accept.”

Snorting softly at how Aymeric had spoken for the both of them, Estinien smirked at his partner, enjoying the embarrassed blush that colored his cheeks, and Yaelle chuckled politely before taking her leave. “Ah, if I have overstepped my boundaries-”

Estinien put an arm around Aymeric’s waist, stepping inside the room and pulling the other man with him, then closed the door and pulled him close for a deep, satisfying kiss. “You are far too easy to tease and fluster,” he grinned, “and you’re also awfully cold. Out of that armor, I’ll get the fire stoked up higher.”

“And whose fault is it that I’m cold and wet?” sniffed Aymeric, feigning offense, “you- Ah!” Skilled, deft hands began undoing the ornate armor that the knight wore as Estinien nibbled the other man’s ear.

“The longer you argue the longer you’ll be cold,” he grinned, “and as I recall, we both kept a set of clothes handy here, so they should still be available.”

The reminder of the stashed garments made another blush rise up in Aymeric’s cheeks as Estinien went to the fire; ostensibly it was because the three of them often discussed politics, tactics, and other matters late into the night, and often it meant that they would stay overnight there rather than return to Ishgard. However, they knew, as did all who served there, the _real_ reason for it, and Estinien at the least was glad for their hedonistic foresight. He watched Aymeric disrobe with, well, usually it would be little short of _lust_ , but right now, in this place, he was simply happy and thankful that he was able to do so. That Halone had blessed him with this magnificent man, this living sculpture of marble made flesh, it was enough to make him spiritual for a moment.

Now that the fireplace had a proper blaze going, he sought out their extra clothes to place nearby to warm up, and a towel as an afterthought, returning to see Aymeric standing once more after having had to sit to remove the ornate, heavy sabatons that seemed to be his only actual functional armor. His trousers undone, Aymeric paused when Estinien drew close, suddenly shy for some reason, and the dragoon laughed and nuzzled his neck. “I’ve not got any snow to cram down those but I _will_ find something unpleasant to put in them if you don’t bloody finish stripping already.” With a soft gasp and another blush, Aymeric gave him a look of fond amusement as he discarded the trousers, then gasped again when Estinien rubbed him down with the towel. “Ah! You don’t need-”

“I _want_ to, and besides, as you said, it’s my fault, so I’m making up for it.” After ensuring that his partner was finally dry he pushed him toward the fire and the soft, plush rug in front of it, then grabbed one of the fluffy blankets kept nearby and unfolded it, draping it over his partner’s shoulders. “I’ll join you in a moment, I- Be right back,” he said, hearing a knock at the door. Opening it just enough to see who it was, he grinned when Yaelle pushed two steaming mugs into his hands, and the grin got wider when she happened to notice Aymeric by the fire, and correctly deduced that all that he wore was that blanket. She matched his grin, mouthed “very nice!” to him, then went back to her duties.

Shutting the door, Estinien strolled back over and handed over both mugs so he could pull his own shirt off over his head, laughing at how Aymeric was now red all the way to the tips of his ears. “I think I’ll be fucking smug forever how you’ve been the most eligible bachelor in all of Ishgard forever, and I’m the one who stole your heart.”

The blush remained, but Aymeric smiled now, his turn to be captivated by his partner, and likewise he watched him almost reverently. Now also completely bare, Estinien curled up next to the other man, shifting the blanket over them both and taking a mug, enjoying the crackle of the fire and its blessed, healing warmth. Aymeric snuggled in as close as possible, short of curling up in his lap, and held the mug between both hands, head resting on Estinien’s shoulder.

“...So there is news of war with the Empire.”

Estinien paused mid-sip at this; Aymeric’s voice was soft and low, and he was trying to keep his tone neutral, but in those few words he could hear the worry and fear in them, as well as sad resignation. He sighed and put his arm around Aymeric, squeezing his shoulder. “I had heard.”

He could feel the way that Aymeric sagged against him, knowing everything implied in those three words, and sighed again, taking another gulp of cocoa before putting it aside to pull Aymeric into his lap. Kissing the top of the dark curls, he smiled a little when Aymeric put aside his drink to hug him desperately.

“You know I’m given to wandering, Aymeric.” The other man nodded, not trusting himself to speak without breaking into tears. “But part of wandering is having a place to come home to. I can’t stay, not yet, there’s too much to be done, and Ishgard has enemies yet that I must still slay to ensure her future. And…” He put gentle fingers on Aymeric’s chin, tilting it up, and brushing away a single tear with his thumb. “I trust you to make that future happen. You have the strength and vision, and when I am finally able to return I will be able to stay by your side. Until then, be patient, be steadfast.”

Abruptly, Aymeric shifted to straddle Estinien’s lap, arms around his neck as he knotted his fingers into long, silvery hair. “I am terrified to lose you as well,” he whispered, and Estinien ran his fingers up and down his back.

“As am I.” Aymeric pulled away a little to meet his gaze, and by the _Fury_ this man was lovely! Backlit by the fire, he was a vision, a gift from the goddess, and Estinien felt a rush of pride that this man was _his._ He caressed his face, and the knight leaned into it, sighing softly, then gasped as he was gently pressed down onto the rug, Estinien hovering over him and marveling at the way his face was framed by that cascade of raven hair, enhancing his eyes. “...So until I can remain I will make sure that I will share with and give you all that I can every moment that I am at your side.”

He leaned down for another kiss, soft and lingering, and pressed himself against his partner’s body, silently marveling at how they complemented each other, fitting neatly into each other’s lines and curves, committing every sensation to memory. They took their time, enjoying something slow and warm, a smoldering passion rather than the burning desire they usually felt, and when they were spent, they twined around each other, still by the fire that now burned a little lower.

Tracing his fingers across Estinien’s collarbone, Aymeric looked content and relaxed. “...Would that I could bond you, but do not fear, I will not tie you down and restrict your freedom. As long as I am able to have moments like this when you return then I will be satisfied.”

Huffing a chuckle, Estinien kissed him again. “It would not be a leash. Rather, it would be a beacon, a reminder. Something to remind me that I have a place to which I _can_ go, a place that I can finally call home. And most importantly, someone I treasure waiting for me.”

Aymeric apparently had genuinely not expected such an answer, and was for once without words for a minute, and he stroked his lover’s cheek. “You’d have to wear something nice, you know, no armor or anything like that.”

Pretending to be bothered, Estinien huffed. “Then it had better be a fast ceremony so you can get me out of it!”

They laughed and held each other again, then after a few more minutes of afterglow and cuddling, they finished their cocoa and got up to dress in the spare clothes, putting their still-damp gear by the fire to finish drying. Prepared to join the other Fortemps knights for a meal, they shared one final kiss before they had to don their masks once more, but inside, they finally felt lighter, more determined, and most importantly, hopeful for the future. _Their_ future.

**Author's Note:**

> //If for whatever reason you think I'm interesting, I am the [Random Squirrel](http://randomsquirrel.tumblr.com) on Tumblr and [L33t Squirrel](https://twitter.com/L33tSquirrel) on Twitter. Contains reblogs of things I think are interesting and random acts of shitposting.
> 
> And if you want even more intersting (and often better!) stuff, and enjoy both reading and writing fanfiction, come join us over at [Emet Selch's Wholesomely Debauched & Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/enabling-debauched-xivfic). We're mostly focused on FFXIV but we have writers and readers from many fandoms and are there to not only read and write some great stuff, but hype each other up to do so, because darn it, fanfiction just doesn't get the love that it deserves! And be sure to leave kudos and comments for the people you read, too! Writers need that validation to keep making delicious, free content, all they ask to be paid in is your adoration. ;)//


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